


Again

by yincredible



Series: OCD Kageyama [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Can Be Interpreted As Kagehina, Daichi Makes An Appearance, Kageyama Has OCD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 11:01:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7265428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yincredible/pseuds/yincredible
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama has struggled with OCD his whole life, but his teammates don't always understand what that means for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Again

_"Just stop doing that; it doesn't even make any sense."_  
_"Why would you worry about that? It's stupid."_  
_"There's no reason to act so weird. Just act normal for once."_

Kageyama had never asked to be the way he was. He had never asked to obsess over whether he'd done his warm-ups correctly for fear that the practice would go badly if they weren't done right. He had never asked to panic if he couldn't run directly in the middle of the path during training. He didn't want this. But he had to deal with it anyway. Over the years, he had eventually gotten used to the compulsions and rituals and worrying, but it seemed that those around him had yet to adjust to his ways in many cases.

Distracted by these thoughts, the setter hadn't noticed at first that he stepped on the line as he ran forward to get the second touch, and froze mid-step. If he went on, he couldn't do it right anyway, so instead he stopped, quickly pressing his other foot firmly onto the line as well. There was silence, other than the sound of the ball hitting the floor of the gymnasium and bouncing a few times before rolling to a rest. This was the brief moment of calm before the storm. He braced himself now, ready for what was to come.

"Again, Kageyama? You've barely touched the ball this practice," complained one of his teammates, though he didn't care to see who it was. He was too busy digging his nails into the palms of his hands, counting to nine a few times. It was both a way of calming himself and to make sure that the others wouldn't be too angry at him for missing it. "Why did you stop anyway? Don't tell me you did it just to step on that line."

Realising a little too late that he was supposed to respond, he looked up, meeting Daichi's gaze. He stared in silence for a moment before quickly trying to explain, but the words got jumbled in his mind and in the end he wasn't able to come up with a single word. He could feel the tips of his ears growing warmer as embarrassment crept over him. Not only had he missed the ball, but he'd also been caught doing a compulsion. He wished he could explain the need he felt to complete it and the apparent consequences of not doing so, but it was so difficult when he seemed to be the only one that felt like this.

"Hey, don't blame him!" He looked sharply to the left as a voice came to his rescue, though regretted it when the urge washed over him to turn the other way as well. Resisting it, as it was one of the less anxiety-inducing compulsions anyway, he forced himself to listen as a distraction, fighting against the ever so slightly tighter feeling in his chest at the thought of just leaving it be.

Tearing his focus away from the incomplete compulsion, he concentrated on looking at the small spiker that had spoken out for him, blinking as he heard him continue, "I doubt he wants to do it, and it's probably super hard not to!" Hinata had his hands on his hips, staring defiantly up at Daichi as he spoke. The look in his eye was strikingly similar to the look he got when he was determined to win despite the odds. When it was directed at him, he'd always found it surprisingly intimidating, with a force to it that people rarely expected from the usually sunny first year. But now he found comfort in it, aware that it was here to protect him this time.

Daichi seemed stunned for a moment before slowly nodding, and announcing that they would simply try it again. Hinata turned to make eye contact with him for a second, and he blinked back, hoping that it somehow conveyed that he was grateful, though he didn't plan to say so aloud. Taking his position on the back line again, he waited until it was time. This time, when the time came to run forward, he was watching his footing, avoiding the line skilfully and reaching the ball. Confident now, he set to Hinata and watched him spike the ball perfectly, in the way he always did. The consistency was comfort, and he allowed a small grin to show for a moment at their success.

Hinata ran to him, lifting both hands for a high five. Noting this as the permission he needed for one, he celebrated with him. These two-handed high fives were his favourite, as they kept the symmetry intact. Just for a second, he wondered if Hinata had begun to favour them in particular because of this, but he left the thought for later as his team moved into position to serve.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you liked this !! ik it was pretty short lmao  
> i have ocd myself and based some of the compulsions off my own experiences
> 
> i'm probably going to write more ocd kageyama fics and i'm happy to take some suggestions for plots or compulsions / how his ocd affects the situation (especially from ppl with ocd but anyone is welcome to suggest stuff!)


End file.
